Restoration
by espergirl04
Summary: Things may have fallen apart, but it doesn't mean it's over. She can still bring him home. RayNeela.


This is possibly the worst song fic ever written, but I tried none the less...although I do have to add that you're reading at your own risk. For some reason the song reminded me of Ray and Neela's relationship. And yes, I know that it's a little late for a Christmas story but I haven't had time to post much of anything recently. Speaking of which, it has been brought to my attention that I have some unfinished stories; I'll try to get to them soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters and I never will…I also do not own the song…that would be Rise Against (they're amazing)

The song is called The Good Left Undone

* * *

_In fields where nothing grew but weeds  
I found a flower at my feet  
Bending there in my direction  
I wrapped a hand around its stem  
And pulled until the roots gave in  
finding_ _there what I've been missing._

She was different. She didn't look at him the way the other girls did, and he wasn't just referring to the groupies. He was referring to girls in general. Their eyes would flicker over him, some of them tried to hide it, some didn't. Instead, her eyes focused on his, clear of judgment and preconceptions.

It wasn't just the way she looked at him, it was the way that she looked. She didn't dress like she wanted to be noticed, she didn't look like she cared whether she was noticed or not. It wasn't because of a lack of confidence, her head was held high and she stood her ground, it was just the way she was. He could have picked her out in a second; Neela was different.

Even after they became roommates it took a while for her to finally start giving in to him. Offerings of take out and a comforting arm after bad days at work, it was a slow process but eventually it worked. They became more than roommates, they became friends.

He had friends, but the more he hung out with Neela the more he came to realize what he had been missing. He could talk to her about everything and anything, things that he wouldn't tell anyone else. He trusted her.

_And I know...  
So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.  
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.  
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm..._

Things began to progress and he knew they were about to reach that point. The point when they became more than friends, the point where they couldn't go back to what they were before. He could feel it and he was both reluctant and excited. Neela was the girl that he wanted; he had known that the first day he had seen walking with Abby. He had never believed in love at first sight or soulmates or that sort of thing. He still didn't. He just knew. Even when there were distractions and even when he brought other girls home and even when he convinced himself that what he felt for Neela was nothing. Ray knew.

He should have known that things wouldn't work out the way he thought they would. She came home with a wedding ring on her finger and he wasn't the one that had given it to her. But it was he that she stayed with. Ray told himself that it was wrong. That he shouldn't be renting horror movies for an excuse to hold her. That he shouldn't be cooking actual dinners for her because he knew that if he did she'd give him a hug. That he shouldn't love her the way that he did.

He knew that eventually things would end, he could feel it coming. Sure enough the day came when she walked out and didn't look back.

_All because of you,  
I haven't slept in so long.  
When I do I dream  
of drowning in the ocean;  
longing for the shore  
where I can lay my head down.  
I'll follow your voice;  
all you have to do is  
shout it out…_

After she left he spent nights without sleeping. Sometimes he sat on the couch staring at an infomercial with a beer in hand, wondering how he had gotten this way. Sometimes he lay in bed tossing, mind still going a million miles an hour, coming up with ways to get her back. The thing was he knew her husband was a good man. Sure, he didn't agree with Michael running off back to war and leaving Neela, but the thing was Michael was a better man than Ray. Because Michael had actually had the courage to ask Neela to marry him.

When he did manage to sleep he always ended up dreaming of her. She called him and he came and reaching her was like reaching land after being stranded at sea. He couldn't stand it because every time he woke he knew that she wouldn't call him. That she would continue to pretend that nothing had ever happened between the two of them. Not that anything had really happened, but he knew that his feelings hadn't been one sided.

_Inside my hands these petals browned;  
dried up fallen to the ground,  
but it was already too late now.  
I pushed my fingers through the earth,  
returned this flower to the dirt;  
so it could live, I walked away now._

They became friends again, she would even acknowledge him at work, progress some would call it. Sometimes she'd take a few moments to ask him about his day, ask him if he had any suggestions for a good movie. Sometimes when he asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee, she'd say yes.

Then it happened, Michael died.

She told Ray to get out of her life and Pratt told him to back off. So he did, he walked away. Because he thought that if he let her go, then she would be able to live again.

And then Neela wasn't Neela. She was a wreak, a shell, and it was too late for him to do anything about it. Instead he let her go and watched as she all but self destructed.

Walking away was the one thing he would always regret.

_  
Not a day goes by when I don't feel this burn.  
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.  
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm..._

There wasn't a day that he didn't feel some sort of burning sensation. It wasn't necessarily physical either, he had a feeling that part of it was in his head. She wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't let him in. They had passed the point and it was too late. He had walked away and he couldn't return and he knew that it was ruined.

He saw her with Gates and he wanted nothing more than to punch the arrogant bastard in the face. Then he was with Katey and he honestly didn't know what he was doing. Part of him actually liked her, the other part wanted to use her to get back at Neela. Although he supposed that it was more about making himself feel better than anything else. If she was going to be with someone then there was no way that he was going to be alone.

He had a feeling that they weren't quite at_the_ breaking point yet. That the big tangled mess they had found themselves in was going to implode and then where would they be? He still watched her when she walked by and he knew that there were times when her eyes followed him.

_All because of you,  
I haven't slept in so long.  
When I do I dream  
of drowning in the ocean;  
longing for the shore  
where I can lay my head down.  
Inside these arms of yours._

Then suddenly a semblance of their old life began to return. She started talking to him like she used to. They met up at a bar. They kissed.

She gave him hope and because of that he stayed up awake at night wondering how long it would be before he wasn't alone at night anymore. When he did sleep he dreamed that they were together. Not that kind of dream. The kind of dream where he would wake up and Neela was there beside him. The kind of dream where they were laughing and happy. The kind of dream that he wished was reality.

She gave him hope, and then nothing came of it. Every time it seemed like they were getting somewhere, she backtracked. It didn't stop his longing. And all that came of his longing was him ending up under truck.

_All because of you  
I believe in angels.  
Not the kind with wings,  
no, not the kind with halos;  
the kind that bring you home  
when home becomes a strange place._

In all honesty he hadn't believed that she would call. Truthfully he didn't really want her to call. Until he heard what had happened. Then when he picked up the phone and heard her voice on the other line he could feel a sort of inexplicable happiness accompanied by an overwhelming sense of relief and only a slight hint of resentment. The first words out of his mouth were "I know what happened, Neela, they told me. How are you?"

Talking to her made him realize that he had been an idiot and not in the way he had previously thought. He wasn't an idiot for having been in love with her, he had been an idiot because he didn't realize that she had loved him back. He had been an idiot for not trusting her. He had been an idiot for not realizing that she was breaking it off with Gates. He had been an idiot for not listening to her.

After that first initial call they started writing letters, then when that wasn't enough they started emailing each other every day, then they started calling each other every week and pretty soon that turned in to twice a week. He told her he didn't want to come back, that he wasn't sure he could call Chicago home anymore. That he had changed so much he didn't recognize himself.

That was when the big surprise happened. One day there was a knock on his door and opened it to find Neela standing there shoving a present into his hand and wrapping him in a hug. "That's for you, Christmas present."

"Thanks, you're an angel," it was an automatic answer and then he stepped back in shock which she took to be an invitation inside. "Wait, Neela, what are you doing here?" He turned, shutting the door and looking down at her.

"Well, for some reason everyone thought that I was working too much, strange right? Anyways, they forced me to take off a few days and I knew if I stayed in Chicago I'd end up back at the hospital, so I thought that I'd take a little break from home." She was babbling and he knew it was because she was nervous and unsure.

Holding up the present he gave her a reassuring smile, "Mind if I open it?"

"Actually, I do."

He stared at her, "You're joking right?"

Shaking her head she smiled, "I'm really not joking. Trust me, you'll need to wait."

He would have been more curious but part of him still didn't comprehend that she was standing in his living room. She took the initiative and sat down on the couch, he took a seat in the arm chair across from her. "How was your flight?"

"It was good, thanks. How have you been?"

To say that the conversation was awkward would have been an understatement. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life and it bothered him. This was Neela, he used to be able to talk to her about anything. "Good, everything's been good. I'm up and walking again, I guess you could see that. I think I told you about it over the phone. Other than that things have gotten pretty boring around here. I knew there was a reason I left." He smiled and she did as well, it was a smile that went all the way to her eyes and he found himself thinking that her smile was one of the things he had loved about her. "So, I'm kind of curious about this present of yours."

"And you'll just have to be curious until Christmas, because it's a surprise." Seeing his pained expression she reached out and patted his hand. "I know how impatient you are, but really, you need to wait."

He sighed, "All right, fine."

After they managed to get past the awkwardness, he took Neela on a tour of the house and then it was on to a tour of the downtown Baton Rouge. Luckily Neela had never been one for shopping so he didn't have to spend too much time in the shops. It also gave them more time for dinner.

"I guess it's time for us to go." Putting her napkin down on the table she grabbed for the bill but Ray got to it first. "I can pay."

He shook his head. "I never let you pay for dinner before; I'm not going to let you pay now."

"That's not true. I recall a certain time when you begged for me to pay because you were, and I quote, a starving artist. And I also recall that when I tried to tell you that you couldn't be a starving artist because you were a doctor, you said that your doctoring was an art form in itself. I know for a fact that the reason you didn't have money was because you spent it all on buying a new guitar." She laughed. "And if I'm correct, that wasn't the only time you begged me for food."

Ray waved his credit card in front of her face. "All the more reason for me to pay now."

"I suppose its fair then."

They were halfway to his house when he interrupted their conversation current conversation to ask, "Why don't you just stay at my house?

"Because, all my things are at the hotel."

"Which is why," he stated practically, "I brought it up before we passed your hotel."

"Ray, I paid to stay there, I can't just…not. It would be a waste."

"But, staying with me would be worth it."

"Would it?"

"Yes."

She had to admit later that it was definitely worth it.

_I'll follow your voice;  
all you have to do is  
shout it out…_

Christmas morning and Neela found herself being woken by Jacey gently shaking her foot. "Neela, breakfast." Sitting up she looked at the tree and the presents under them. A few had been added since the previous night and she could see her name written on one of the tags.

After eating breakfast and Ray laughing as Neela had politely asked what exactly it was she was eating, which he informed her was biscuits and gravy, they opened presents. Ray handed Neela hers and she opened the box, glancing up sharply she shook her head. "Ray, I can't. It's so…beautiful." She held up the necklace with a single diamond pendant and watched as the sunlight hit it.

"Well you have to because I want you to have it. Merry Christmas Neela."

Knowing that further argument would be futile and planning to somehow slip it back into his pocket, she got up from where she was seated to hug him, and then impulsively she added a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you Ray."

"You're very welcome. Now do I get mine?"

"No, you don't." She laughed and Ray's mom joined in while Ray pretended to sulk.

"Fine, mom, you're next then."

After the last present had been opened and Ray's mom had gone to the kitchen to make some hot tea, Neela at last gave the go ahead. "All right Ray, you can open it. But before you do, I want you to know that I love you."

"You love me?" He was grinning and she slapped his arm, "Now's your chance to open it, go on."

He ripped off the wrapping paper and held up the envelope. "Thanks Neela, It's what I've always wanted." Laughing he warded off another attack by hastily opening the envelope. Pulling out its contents he looked up at her. "This is a plane ticket."

She grabbed his free hand. "I know Ray, and I know that you still don't know how you feel about it, and I know that I can't possibly know what's best for you. What I do know is that I was serious when I said that I loved you. I don't know if you return those feelings, or if you'll ever be able to return those feelings…but I came down here because I want to bring you home Ray."

He tightened his grip on her hand. "I tried my hardest to forget you, and I couldn't. I don't know if I'm ready to say that I love you, but I am ready to go home. Neela…all you had to do was shout out to me, and I'd have come running…I'd still come running. So if you want me back in Chicago, then I guess I have no choice." Seeing the unsure look on her face he leaned forward. "I know that I said that I can't say I love you, but it doesn't mean that I don't care about you." He closed the space between them and kissed her. Finally, he had what he had been missing.

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Reviews are appreciated, criticism and all. 


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